Dark places..
Sometimes I get this strange overwhelming feeling, a feeling of immense doubt, even if it is just for a while... like everything around me is, but, a lie. Like everything is a mean trick of nature. Even God. That we all live in this bubble which will burst someday, and then nothing will be left. This freaks me out I tell you, because then it would mean that everything eventually reduces to nothing! There is no meaning in anything. This life is empty! Crazy! But I get this feeling sometimes... like we're all demented.
Then I begin to wonder what if all that I'm feeling turns out to be true. I don't want it to be! My whole life has been lived out of this 'believe' I've carried with me ever since I can remember. Well, even if there's a god what if he's not all-loving? What if he doesn't have the best interest in his mind for us? What if he's the one playing all the tricks on us like a mean kid out to bully everyone around? This freaks the hell out of me I tell you. Not just the thought but also the fact that I'm thinking it. Crazy! But I get these thoughts sometimes. However, this cannot be IT.
Faith is a beautiful thing. I cannot have all the answers, and maybe its good I have these questions. Proves the fact that I am a thinking being. But what is this hollow inside my heart that points to something, someone who will give me all the answers to my life? Some source that holds everything that this existence is about. That something which will complete me. I cannot deny it. It's in my heart, in my very being. And once I admit that I lack, I know there is something which will fill me. There simply has to be. Faith is a beautiful thing.
And so I guess it makes sense that there are these dark places inside of me that overwhelms me sometimes. Makes sense that I fear sometimes. It's because this world is broken. It is a mad place. But there is a Healer...
Then I begin to wonder what if all that I'm feeling turns out to be true. I don't want it to be! My whole life has been lived out of this 'believe' I've carried with me ever since I can remember. Well, even if there's a god what if he's not all-loving? What if he doesn't have the best interest in his mind for us? What if he's the one playing all the tricks on us like a mean kid out to bully everyone around? This freaks the hell out of me I tell you. Not just the thought but also the fact that I'm thinking it. Crazy! But I get these thoughts sometimes. However, this cannot be IT.
Faith is a beautiful thing. I cannot have all the answers, and maybe its good I have these questions. Proves the fact that I am a thinking being. But what is this hollow inside my heart that points to something, someone who will give me all the answers to my life? Some source that holds everything that this existence is about. That something which will complete me. I cannot deny it. It's in my heart, in my very being. And once I admit that I lack, I know there is something which will fill me. There simply has to be. Faith is a beautiful thing.
And so I guess it makes sense that there are these dark places inside of me that overwhelms me sometimes. Makes sense that I fear sometimes. It's because this world is broken. It is a mad place. But there is a Healer...
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